....

another year has come and gone.
i can still taste the faint taste of youth
resting on the tip of my tongue.
a day of celebration. of presents and of wishes
all meaningless. worthless in the eyes of someone struck by grief.
the rose...
the one i dared to touch...
it pricks me once more
and once more am i in shock from the pain one little flower can bring.

the hole that lies gaping in my spine
deepened ever so gently by the dagger that stick out from it.
ever so gently, twisting, turning, carving into my very bones
the regret....
oh so happy just a day ago.
heart still aching from the knowing of the need to be forgetting
move on, let go they say.
unknowing that a grip of a dying man is comparable only to the jaws of death itself.

celebrations?
presents?
wishes?
no.
just another day in the life...

sorry for the depressing post guys.... ill be back to normal soon..

errggg

sooo sooo bummed atm... but please, no sympathy... i dont understand why ppl are always trying to get you to think about whats making you sad, to try and make you feel better...not exactly the best approach.

lemme think about today... lets see first, there was some confusion... then, some headaches, then some confusion. oh, did i mention i was REALLY confused?? ya.. well. i was.

but all in all i learned a few lessons today. for one, just because things dont go your way, it doesnt mean your going downhill... thats just life. you either learn to live with it, or you create your own "downhill" and tumble till you trip. its the hardships that create bliss. the racket of off tune beats that creates the harmonies of chopin. recently ive DEfinitely been in a tunnel, wondering where and why the light wouldnt show up. asking myself IS there even a light? is there and end to this morbid darkness? then it hits me. its not that theres no light at the end of the tunnel. its not that the tunnel is infinitely long. its just that i walked into a tunnel, was afraid of the dark, and just sat down and hoped for light. somewhere along the  line, it slipped my mind that motion = movement. falling down, and forgetting that i had to pick myself back up, hoping that someone would come pick me up. now i know tho. no matter how much i hope, the length of that tunnel aint gonna walk itself. no ones going to be coming through this imaginary, horizontal, hole that ive dug myself into. break times over... time to get up... time to start walking... time to start running! time to catch up! ill see you guys in the light!

PEACE!

oh my God...

first day back at church. pastor made fun of me for having small eyes FML... lets see.... what else...
well, im broke again... birthday is coming up in a few days. im gonna take a stab in the dark and say, nothings gonna happen for it lol... havent had a birthday party since i was 11, and it's never good to break tradition.

in other news! tkd testing and essay writing is in about 3 weeks...sigh, i have 8 am private lessons from my GRand master ever saturday morning.... almost forgot 8o'clock HAD an am.... thank you tkd for reminding me... =_=

OH second interview at best buy on tuesday!!! im gonna ace it, no sweat. if all goes well, ill be at work next monday *fingers crossed.

anyways..... id blog more, but im a bit buys atm..... too much sitting around being broke to do.... so ttyl! =]

Spectra of Sound

as the piano plays,
the music shuffles through space,
creating vibrations that delight the soul.
arise o'perfect harmonies.
strike the strings that are my spirit.
enlighten the body and set free the mind.
create a life, bound, not just, to our ears and our sights.

a new song that does not fade...
that does not echo...
set aside the narrows of a beginning,
the limits of an end.
linear yet curving through existence
the notes that chime, are heard throughout the senses of time and space.
bringing forth a world which we cannot comprehend.
flow through the fabric that is our plane
and give life once more,
to a world unseen...

inspired by
Chopin, Tristesse
the beautiful theory of strings

I NEED this...

wake up early,         *check
take a shower,         *check
iron clothes,             *check
make breakfast,       *check
call state farm,         *check
call verizon,             *check
go to interview,       *check
get a job.                *plzplzplzplzplzplzplzplzplz

dress to impreSS

blog 3! yee!

first off i would like to say, Jon... stop waking me up at 10 to ask me to smoke!! 10 o'clock doesnt even HAVE an AM in my book. ANyways.... after i fell back asleep from that, i was woken up to my brother running into the room handing me a phone. i ask him, who is it? -iono ...=.= turns out, it was best buy! they called me back for an interview, and for those of you who know me, i NEEED it. but knowing best buy, i got a bajillion more interviews to go to before i can know for sure, so... ya. hope i get it. so after that happened, and i jumped around all excited for a while, i started babysitting my babybro(2TOOcute) we took a walk to burger king and got some lunch. hes growing up fast... today at bk, he gets a kids meal, and gets this crappy ass triple H doll.... ya, triple H from wwe...WTF? so he goes - i want another toy, and immediately runs over to the counter and says - HEY excuse me!!! helllla loud, and says - i dont want this toy, its boooring, can i have the jump roping grandma??? LOL iono but that cracked me the fck up haha. ya anyways... thats about all that happened so far today. but who knows what the evening holds ya?... ya.  anyways..... arrite. see you guys LAter!

Pricked by a Rose..

is this real?
or am i dreaming?
when i think back, everything seems hazy.
lost in a cloud of confusion.
my heart struggles to keep itself beating
like the tiny drops that create the thunders of a waterfall
my mind asks questions creating thunders of confusion.
the heart..., so fragile, yet so critical.
without it, there is no life
yet with it, there is no rest.
love and hate
light and dark
all things that depend on their inimical adversaries as means for their survival..
there is no light without dark.
there is no love without hate...
truer words have seldom been spoken
the love that lies so close to my heart, rests in the company of hate!
of anger!
of lust!
of jealousy...
but most prevalent,
of sorrow.
 think back... its happened before..
its no different..

a rose by nature has thorns,
yet their bite never fails to surprise.
to pick up a rose is to be pricked by its thorns
 so...
to pick up a rose, or let it sit...
this matters not...
to hold on to it..., or let it drop..
this matters most...

so, here, it starts.

day one of blogging huh? i guess its about time i start keeping track of my life haha.

well these past few weeks have been pretty eventful actually, which is VERY un-millbrae like lol. to start off, there was my la trip. i started at USC chillin with the villian MARK JANSEN. guy is living with 11 roomates... doing something special there is NOT partying, cuz all they do is PARTY! mygoodness mark, how DO you do it? so anyways, after two days of that nonsense, it was FINALLY time for jordazzy's wedding. man, ive never been to a more perfect event. just being there made me realize how tangible so many things have become since we were kids. it starts with a workers permit, then a drivers license, drinking, and before you know it, your getting married. kind of a scary thought IMO. makes me wonder if ill ever get married. or even, what my wife is gonna look like. or even scarier, what my KIDS will look like!.... arrite. im getting a little ahead of myself haha! anyways, the wedding was beautiful. it was held at trinity church which i attended during middle school. being there with all of my old middleschool friends was A TRIP!!! its sooo amazing how much AND how little people can change. my friend karl klinger..... man was it good to see him.  he changed soo much, that i was standing right in front of him, and i said - where's karl?? isnt he suppose to be here? and my friend says - hes right in front of you... =.= ..... good times huh? cant wait to go back. maybe sometime soon. ohh, while i was down there, i was FINALLY able to see my old friend DRE! haha. my homie since almost elementary school. woow. as a matter of fact i think i met the guy in 5th or 6th grade. seems so long ago now. i feel like im spectating my own life as it flashes in front of me like a movie. like i have no control. like watching a dvd without a remote. and i think im stuck on fast forward! well. things arent gonna get any slower. might as well make the best of it, and live a fast life huh?  so ya, that WEEKEND was pretty eventful. after i got back the tha KILLBRAE things calmed down a bit. went to go shoot some pool a few times, some bowling,  oh! i saw the last exorcism....... wow. do not watch it. first of all it was THE most sacrilegious movie ive ever seen. the ENTIRE first half is just a wannabe pastor talking about how even though he preaches, its all just some kind of "show" and that he can talk about anything he wants, and get the congregation to rejoice. thats just wrong on sooo many levels. second! NO SPECIAL EFFECTS wooow, can you SAY low budget movie?? i swear the scariest part was when the chick looks into the camera and "runs" towards it. dude i can set a camera on a tripod and make the EXACT same scene. and finally,.......... she gave birth to a red demon baby with spines on his back.....................?????? reallly?????? wooow. script writers are getting lazy man. hollywoods just not what it used to be. but nonetheless, i enjoyed going to watch it tho. the company was good.=]

hmmm.... lets see, then i went to the wine festival.... THREE times haha. but it was okay. i swear, more and more people come every year. we might have to start blocking off El Co instead of broadway HAHA. so, the first time i went with the SLEEEZE and CSONG haha. thank goodness for walters ID. i always wondered why soo many ppl went to the festival. after drinking ONCE at the festival i now know. WAYYYY better with drinks. haha. the second trip was with AMAZING ANGELA haha. oh man, i couldnt have asked for a better day. i could talk to that girl forever.... heh heh. and then finally, i met up with nick hui, his MOM, brother, nica, jason, and ANDRE. i think i left someone out too but MEH. stupid nicks brother.... his mom hates me enough as it is, then the first thing he says to me when i see him AND his mom together is - HEY remember when you had that butterfly knife!!! ==....== wtvr. she already hates me anyways right?? haha. WOW this was a long blog.  wonder if its even gonna be read haha.