....

another year has come and gone.
i can still taste the faint taste of youth
resting on the tip of my tongue.
a day of celebration. of presents and of wishes
all meaningless. worthless in the eyes of someone struck by grief.
the rose...
the one i dared to touch...
it pricks me once more
and once more am i in shock from the pain one little flower can bring.

the hole that lies gaping in my spine
deepened ever so gently by the dagger that stick out from it.
ever so gently, twisting, turning, carving into my very bones
the regret....
oh so happy just a day ago.
heart still aching from the knowing of the need to be forgetting
move on, let go they say.
unknowing that a grip of a dying man is comparable only to the jaws of death itself.

celebrations?
presents?
wishes?
no.
just another day in the life...

sorry for the depressing post guys.... ill be back to normal soon..

errggg

sooo sooo bummed atm... but please, no sympathy... i dont understand why ppl are always trying to get you to think about whats making you sad, to try and make you feel better...not exactly the best approach.

lemme think about today... lets see first, there was some confusion... then, some headaches, then some confusion. oh, did i mention i was REALLY confused?? ya.. well. i was.

but all in all i learned a few lessons today. for one, just because things dont go your way, it doesnt mean your going downhill... thats just life. you either learn to live with it, or you create your own "downhill" and tumble till you trip. its the hardships that create bliss. the racket of off tune beats that creates the harmonies of chopin. recently ive DEfinitely been in a tunnel, wondering where and why the light wouldnt show up. asking myself IS there even a light? is there and end to this morbid darkness? then it hits me. its not that theres no light at the end of the tunnel. its not that the tunnel is infinitely long. its just that i walked into a tunnel, was afraid of the dark, and just sat down and hoped for light. somewhere along the  line, it slipped my mind that motion = movement. falling down, and forgetting that i had to pick myself back up, hoping that someone would come pick me up. now i know tho. no matter how much i hope, the length of that tunnel aint gonna walk itself. no ones going to be coming through this imaginary, horizontal, hole that ive dug myself into. break times over... time to get up... time to start walking... time to start running! time to catch up! ill see you guys in the light!

PEACE!

oh my God...

first day back at church. pastor made fun of me for having small eyes FML... lets see.... what else...
well, im broke again... birthday is coming up in a few days. im gonna take a stab in the dark and say, nothings gonna happen for it lol... havent had a birthday party since i was 11, and it's never good to break tradition.

in other news! tkd testing and essay writing is in about 3 weeks...sigh, i have 8 am private lessons from my GRand master ever saturday morning.... almost forgot 8o'clock HAD an am.... thank you tkd for reminding me... =_=

OH second interview at best buy on tuesday!!! im gonna ace it, no sweat. if all goes well, ill be at work next monday *fingers crossed.

anyways..... id blog more, but im a bit buys atm..... too much sitting around being broke to do.... so ttyl! =]

Spectra of Sound

as the piano plays,
the music shuffles through space,
creating vibrations that delight the soul.
arise o'perfect harmonies.
strike the strings that are my spirit.
enlighten the body and set free the mind.
create a life, bound, not just, to our ears and our sights.

a new song that does not fade...
that does not echo...
set aside the narrows of a beginning,
the limits of an end.
linear yet curving through existence
the notes that chime, are heard throughout the senses of time and space.
bringing forth a world which we cannot comprehend.
flow through the fabric that is our plane
and give life once more,
to a world unseen...

inspired by
Chopin, Tristesse
the beautiful theory of strings

I NEED this...

wake up early,         *check
take a shower,         *check
iron clothes,             *check
make breakfast,       *check
call state farm,         *check
call verizon,             *check
go to interview,       *check
get a job.                *plzplzplzplzplzplzplzplzplz

dress to impreSS

blog 3! yee!

first off i would like to say, Jon... stop waking me up at 10 to ask me to smoke!! 10 o'clock doesnt even HAVE an AM in my book. ANyways.... after i fell back asleep from that, i was woken up to my brother running into the room handing me a phone. i ask him, who is it? -iono ...=.= turns out, it was best buy! they called me back for an interview, and for those of you who know me, i NEEED it. but knowing best buy, i got a bajillion more interviews to go to before i can know for sure, so... ya. hope i get it. so after that happened, and i jumped around all excited for a while, i started babysitting my babybro(2TOOcute) we took a walk to burger king and got some lunch. hes growing up fast... today at bk, he gets a kids meal, and gets this crappy ass triple H doll.... ya, triple H from wwe...WTF? so he goes - i want another toy, and immediately runs over to the counter and says - HEY excuse me!!! helllla loud, and says - i dont want this toy, its boooring, can i have the jump roping grandma??? LOL iono but that cracked me the fck up haha. ya anyways... thats about all that happened so far today. but who knows what the evening holds ya?... ya.  anyways..... arrite. see you guys LAter!

Pricked by a Rose..

is this real?
or am i dreaming?
when i think back, everything seems hazy.
lost in a cloud of confusion.
my heart struggles to keep itself beating
like the tiny drops that create the thunders of a waterfall
my mind asks questions creating thunders of confusion.
the heart..., so fragile, yet so critical.
without it, there is no life
yet with it, there is no rest.
love and hate
light and dark
all things that depend on their inimical adversaries as means for their survival..
there is no light without dark.
there is no love without hate...
truer words have seldom been spoken
the love that lies so close to my heart, rests in the company of hate!
of anger!
of lust!
of jealousy...
but most prevalent,
of sorrow.
 think back... its happened before..
its no different..

a rose by nature has thorns,
yet their bite never fails to surprise.
to pick up a rose is to be pricked by its thorns
 so...
to pick up a rose, or let it sit...
this matters not...
to hold on to it..., or let it drop..
this matters most...